Oh no oh no oh no! (good news bad news thing)

Look down on the post under this one, here is the thing, Samantha left a “comment” on here late last night, it say “hey Brian call me” basically because she will be up late. I guess that is good news, right? At least she will talk to me right? Here is the problem, I do not have a computer at home! I did not see her “comment” until today when I got to the library! I guess she forgot that I do not have a computer at home or maybe I never told her, I can not remember, anyway it is too late to call her now because she is already at the community college for her classes this morning, there is no way for me to go back in time with a time machine and somehow get a computer last night and check the comments and then call her!

Let me go back a little, remember I had a big old plan for things I was going to say to Samantha yesterday when I got back to work, remember I was going to get down on my knee and say a bunch of stuff, kind of like a “romance” guy like in the play we saw in high school about the guy and the girl that talked all weird like “fancy” talk, then they died (my plan did not have dying in it though) (obvious). So anyway that is basically what I did, I say “basically” because you know how I get all nervous all the time, I never know what to say, and I did not print out what to say this time (I kind of got in trouble for that last time, so I had to try to just remember my “lines”, not really a play though, that is a good thing because I think I would get a bad “review”). Okay anyway I am getting “off the topic”, here is how it happened: I saw her go back into the break room, just like before, and I ran back there, I just put down the stuff I was stocking (light switches if you are interested) and I ran back there, thank goodness it was just her back there, I do not need the “pressure” of some body else in there making me all nervous (more nervous I mean). So yes, I got in there and Samantha said “what do you want Brian” and I kind of “froze up’ again (you know how I do, all of a sudden it is like I am in a comic book and there is a little bubble over my head that tells what I am thinking, except it is empty). But somehow, I do not know how, I “snapped out” of it, and I said “please sit down Samantha” and she did, and I did the knee thing! I really did it! I got on my knee and (here is the part that is just so crazy, it is so crazy because who would ever think that I would do a thing like getting down a knee to talk to a girl, I just kind of thought that basically I would just watch TV my whole life all by my self) okay anyway I got on my knee and I grabbed her hand (not kidding), but here I kind of messed up, basically all I could remember was “I miss you Samantha, I am sorry” and then I kind of went “blank” again. I could not tell her all the “reasons” or all the other stuff about how I like to eat at restaurants and watch movies and go to places with her, all I said was about the missing and the sorry. So here is what she does, she is just quiet for a little bit, and she said, “I miss you too Brian but you really hurt me, every day I am here it reminds me how stupid I felt that time” so I said (this was not a thing I planned) “I am the stupid one Samantha not you, you are so great and so on” (I can’t remember every thing I said, basically it was “I am stupid and you are great”). So she said “I have to think about this alone for a while Brian” and so I said “OK” and went back to work. I did not get a chance to talk to her before she left to go home and so on, I guess she was ready to talk to me about it or whatever but I did not get the message until today, I feel like I am so close to it but it is just moving farther and farther away, it is like I was at a hamburger place and I ordered some French fries and they bring me instead some potato chips and I said “no I want French fries” and then they bring me a salad, I am just getting “farther away” from French fries but I guess at least they are still bringing me a kind of food so it could be worse (okay I guess that does not really make sense, never mind).

Okay so anyway to day is her last day, now she is probably even more mad at me because I did not call her last night like she wanted. I do not know what to do, make another big “scene” and say I am sorry for not calling her on the phone or whatever. Wait, she has one of those “cell phones” (it is like a little phone you can carry with you), maybe I can call her on the “cell phone” except there are 2 problems, first is she might be in “class” and it would mess up the teacher, and the 2nd is that I do not know the number. Okay I will just “play by ears” today (it means make it up as you go along, I guess I should have just said that) and try my best, I think if I can not get it all worked out today I might as well just quit and Samantha can get a boy friend who is not so stupid as me (a lot).